During a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: "The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we have passed that now. The rest of the flight is expected to be smooth." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer." A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot. As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying "Don't forget the beer!"

The whole crew except the fresh 20 year old stewardess are in the lobby of the hotel at pick up time. The captain asks the Purser to call the new girl and ask why she's not down on time? So the Purser calls the girls room and says: 'Why are you still in your room, it's pick up time...' The girl replies that she cannot get out of her room. The Purser says: 'well, what's wrong, is the door stuck?' The girl replies: ' no... there are three doors in my room. One goes into the bathroom, the other goes into the closet.' Finally the Purser asks: 'well, what about the third one ?' The girl answers: 'That door has a DO NOT DISTURB sign on it...'

An airline pilot hammered his ship into the runway really hard on a certain flight. The airline had a policy which required the pilot to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a 'Thanks for flying XYZ airline.' Due the bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, expecting that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said: 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why no Madam,' said the pilot, 'what is it?' The little old lady asked: 'Did we land or were we shot down?'

This one happened at a Navy training squadron. After landing, the new pilot wrote a technical complaint about the A-7 that he had just been flying with. “Pilot relief tube too short.” (The pilot relief tube is a device that allows a male pilot to relieve himself in-flight after he has been drinking too much coffee before climbing into the cockpit for a long flight) When Maintenance investigated the complaint, they found that the relief tube was tangled around the base of the stick. After the problem was corrected, the pilot's ego was damaged considerably by signing off the maintenance form like this: “Pilot relief tube found to be of sufficient length for technical personnel.”